Sibeh Jialat!

Wah lau eh!?!

Yesterday sibeh sueh... Boss tell me go deliver documents to this ship achored outside Tuas Reclaim area. Wah lau eh!?! Sibeh jia lat leh... Do dispatch must do until ship there ah?

Hang Cheng pai pai... No choice lah... I have to send means I have to send lor... I went to the temporary jetty at Tuas South there and take this motorboat to the ship. Because I not always go to this ship so tong pang other people's boat.

It's not the bigger boat but the small sampan at the side...

We half way to ship then sekali got this chao tah smell... At first I thought somebody BBQ then I see the engine that side got smoke come out... Siao liao lah!?!

The boat "captain" don't know say what in Malay... apa apa ini... di sana di sini... Anyway, all the passengers bo pian just sit around and wait for "rescue" boat to come. I thought want to pah game on my handphone but then a bit low batt liao so siow siow, just sit there and talk cock with some of the other guys there.

When the "rescue" boat came, all of us had to jump over... Wah lau eh!?! I first time take this type of boat one, lucky never fall into the sea ah! The "rescue" boat was overcrowded with many people (original passengers + passengers from my boat) so the boat "captain" had to go more than his usual stops.

Last time I watch TV, I see people go up ship like very song... When I saw the ship I was going to board... I a bit also not song...

Wah lau eh!?! So tall how to go up?

I thought the ship got lift or escaloator one but then they don't have... They only have a small ladder at the side for me to climb up. Wah lau eh!?!

When I reached to top of the ladder, I thought maybe like cruise like that... Got 美女 say, "欢迎光临!" - Got sai ah... The sailor ask me something-something in what I think is Burmese... Wah lau eh!?! I where got know how to speak Burmese!?! I pass the documents to the Master (I also don't know why they cannot call him captain must call him master...) then ask him chop and sign my D/O then I siam...

Wah lau eh!?! Climbing up the ladder not so bad lah... But when I want to climb down that time... Siao liao! The sea and the ship at least got a few storeys high... I see already a bit siam sai. Then when I reach the bottom of the ladder, must do a bit of Indiana Jones and jump onto the awaiting sampan... Hosay!

The motorboat go to the other ships to "collect" passengers, so by the time we reach shore already tee or or... I thought I was lucky because I need to fetch some Bangla crew to Pasir Panjang Hotel so my boss let me drive the van.

I asked all the ah neh to get into the back and then start the company van. Like sandfly like that, where got light, I drive towards it. Mana eh zai drive half way, I kena dead end then I reverse the van, the van like sinking like that... Aiyo! Van kena stuck in fine sand!

Bo pian lah... Ask all the Bangla ah neh tolong-tolong push the van... This is first time I work so closely with Bangla ah neh but very impressed lah... They do work can sing song one... Like some kind of "加油" song like that!

Steady lah!

But even if they sing lik Sky Wu also no use because the back wheels still stuck and the more I accelerate the van sink even further! (The van is RWD one.) I thought want to take photograph to post but ahm mee mee the Bangla ah neh don't smile I also cannot see them how to take photo!?!

Anyway, must really say "Thank You!" to this band of Bangla ah neh... Actually the exit just 200 metres away, they can just say bye-bye to me, walk out, take taxi to Pasir Panjang Hotel but they steady-steady one...

One of them pattern more than badminton... He and another kaki run to the nearby Hyundai construction site and then came back with wooden planks. Then the whole group of Bangla ah neh push the van up the plank and into safety.

Hosay!

Mr Uru and your gang of Bangla ah neh... if you are reading my AoTLM blog, I want to say again thank you... Even the 101 Tiger beers cannot buy back the friendship and camaraderie that we shared. Hosay!

Girl @ Great World City / Lorong 5 Toa Payoh Food Centre

Wah lau eh!?!

I know got people read already sure say I copy www.girlonbus.com but I think it is a good idea and I am really looking for this girl.

This posting is about this girl whom I am looking for. I know it's not very "professional" to post this on my blog or to take her photo without her permission but I really want to get to know this girl!

Everything happen so fast, this is all I have left of you... Sweet Angel with Dimples...

My former camp kaki and his wife and Brother SamChen say that I am crazy to do this but I think... Heck care lah! I will never know if I don't try teo boh?

Anyway, I saw her at Great World City at about closing time. I was going to meet my my former camp kaki and his wife when I saw her... I never believe in "Love at First Sight" but when I saw her dimples and the way she smile, somehow my heart melted. If it is not for Brother SamChen who tahan me, I think I would have kee siao on the spot!

I quickly take out my camera phone to take a photograph of her but Brother SamChen pull my hand away so I can only get photograph of her as walking away with her friend.

Then I went to the car park, I saw her again. This time she noticed me thanks to my Ah Girl... Whoever you are, Sweet Angel with Dimples, I heard what you said about cruelty to animals and I really want you to know that I didn't mean to lock my girl-girl in the car and I only did that because I wanted to go into Great World City to find my former camp kaki and his wife - very short while only... Confirm!

If my Ah Girl can talk, she will tell you that I am a good kor kor to her... Really!

I was driving behind you and I think I saw a "Club Hyundai" and "Getz Garage" decals on your rear windscreen and I could hear your ICE very loud... Even inside my car can hear. But because my cash card bo lui liao, I had to exchange cash cards... I lost you again.

Then, my former camp kaki, his wife and Brother SamChen suggested we go Toa Payoh Lorong 5 for supper. Who knows? I saw you again but this time, I noticed you were with this guy who was driving a 3-door green Getz. I didn't see your finger got wear ring so I think you are still single? Anyway, like I say already... I heck care liao lah! I just want you to know how I feel because it's just like 三笑姻缘: in one night I meet you three times already and every time you look prettier and prettier. Am I going crazy!?!

My former camp kaki and his wife say you are a bit on the short side and Brother Sam says you have a bit baby fat... To me you are just perfect! If that guy with the 3-door green Getz is your xiao eh, then I think he's the luckiest guy in the world... But if he isn't then I would say he bak chiu kor stamp and too bad for him!

Even now I am in a daze. I keep thinking... I want to see you again or at least know your name so that I can give the photograph a name.

Please understand that it wasn't natural for me to approach you in that setting but I hope I can see you again. If you are that girl or you think you have any information, please contact me. If I can meet this girl again because of you, I will be forever grateful to you!

Thank you!

Valentine's Day Special

Wah lau eh!?!

Today then I know that Singaporeans actually very romantic and will do anything for love (especially on Valentine's Day). Hosay!

Last minute my Reservist kaki ask me to help him become dispatch driver for his flower shop business. Valentine's Day mah... Seng li sibeh ho ah... All his vans all go out liao so he ask me help him to send some of the more "special" cases (he was supposed to do himself but last minute his girlfriend come to the shop so... Hehehe...) As usual I act blur say I bo lui pump petrol so he lan-lan no choice lend me his WRX. (Anyway, his girlfriend and him in the shop, he also no need to go anywhere mah...) Haha! Hosay!

Scooby Doo got Mystery Machine... We got Scooby Doo with 内建 CD-Pro2

Wah lau eh!?! I never expect Valentine's Day deliveries must have Ops Planning one... First go here then go there... Somemore, my Reservist kaki sister sibeh thaan jiah... Where got ERP (on Saturday), where maybe got camera she also know! Steady lah! Because I kay kiang take people's Scooby Doo so bo pian kena all the "东南西北" and special timing deliveries... Really hosay!

Scooby Doo full of flowers and bears!

By the time we fill up my Reservist kaki's Scooby Doo, it's really like a turbo-charged, moving flower shop lor... The morning was hot but Scooby Doo aircon sibeh leng... Steady lah!

Since my Reservist kaki's shop is around CBD so I started out in town area and also because I scared the offices there close by 12 noon then cannot make the deliveries on time. My first delivery of the day very tok kong ah... 99 roses wor... Actually when you look at it, 99 roses not a lot lor...

Borrow people's car bonnet to take photo of 99 roses... Haha!

Confirm 99 roses is not very heavy but when you have to park at Gopeng Street and walk all the way to Tras Street because bo wee pah chia, you will think twice before you say it is "chicken feet"!

Everybody say five-day week but Tras Street still no place to park!

The next area I went to was Chinatown since it was just behind the CBD area (and I already paid for the ERP liao). Don't know why but Chinatown more jia lat than CBD... Everywhere also got people but no place to park!?! Sibeh jia lat!?! In the end, I chin chye park at red-colour Reserved Lot and quickly send out the flowers. Heng ah! By the time I got back to the Scooby Doo still bo tai jee...

Chinatown got so many hong chia... Parking also very problem ah!

One delivery I will never forget is for this guy's "First Love" (初恋情人)... Wah lau eh!?! I say already I also don't know want to laugh or cry siah! I drove all the way up to this ang mor choo then I got out of the Scooby Doo and then press the door bell. Got this Sailormoon 小妹 come out and then I smile at her and asked her to sign for the flowers. Hosay!

Sekali... I heard this loud voice, "Who is it ah?"

Wah lau eh!?! Her father down the stairs and walk towards me. I see him already also a bit sian but then again I am delivery guy so bo pian just stand there wait for him to sign Delivery Order. He ask me who sent the flowers... Wah lau eh!?! I where got know who send one? I only know is some guy 初恋情人 say must deliver in the morning; anything else I also don't know wor...

So I just give him the most innocent smile and say "Sorry Uncle, I don't know..."

That uncle like bo siong sim me lor... Look at me in the eye, then look at the Scooby Doo behind me... Then he give me a 30-cent face, sign the Delivery Order and took the flowers in. I hope the lover-boy guy bo tai jee lor (because his handphone number was on the Delivery Order... Hahaha!)

Wah lau eh!?!

My next delivery was at Telok Blangah area... This one also very cute... Got this guy buy flowers for his wife then when I deliver to him, he asked his little daughter to give to his wife... So sweet! You hear the mother thanking her daughter (and subsequently husband) - really makes your day!

By the time I went back to the car park it was raining heavily... Free car wash for Reservist kaki's Scooby Doo... Hosay!

Telok Blangah - Wet Wet Wet... Lucky I not using my own ride!

Scooby Doo with turbo sibeh keen ah... By chap yit tiam most of the flowers in the boot and passenger seat already sent out... Now only left flowers in the backseat. I was about to go for tau hway break then my friend call me to tell me she come back from overseas, pick her up from airport eh sai bueh?

Wah lau eh!?! I drive tubro-charged Scooby Doo Black Special - you say leh? Of course I onz lah!

I cham yoo loot all the way from the West area to Changi Airport... All along the highway you hear the turbo blow-off sound sibeh song ah... When I reached airport, my friend thought I giving her Valentine's Day surprise, see me happy cheo mee mee.

Still got one last order... Wah... Macham Transporter movie, I tell my girl-friend to belt up then I yoo cham ka liao all the way down ECP and make one big round through Orchard Road.

Wah lau eh!?! Got chance drive Scooby Doo must take this chance to hao lian along Orchard Road.

Wah! Orchard Road Jam ah!?!

Scooby Doo with turbo kena Orchard Road Jam also lan-lan... If loot all the way from Tanglin side to Plaza Singapura should be a few minutes but because of the jam... Haiz... By this time, my girl-friend already kiu kiu kio liao - hungry lah...

After so many minutes just reached Meridian Hotel Orchard ah?

After many start-stops, finally we reached Meridian Hotel Orchard... One more stop... One more delivery then can pang jia liao...

My Plaza Singapure delivery is also another 难忘的经验 because when the girls at Jean Yip Hub saw me walking towards them, they all stand in two rows... All of them looking for me macham TCS serial like that. Then the supervisor stepped forward and asked me the flowers for who? After I say the person's name, like 红星大奖 like that... Got some girls clap, got some girls look at their friend and smile and then the "lucky girl" walk towards me, smile-smile a bit and then take the flowers from me. I see the girl (actually she also quite a chio bu...) I also stun don't know what to say. Heng ah! I never lau ka kwee kor... Still got remember to ask her sign Delivery Order. Steady lah!

Last Delivery of the Day - Plaza Singapura

Hosay! Finally all my deliveries over liao can go jia peng liao... Now wait for next year Valentine's Day. See maybe next year got chance drive Integra or Genesis or not? Haha! Hosay!

TV3 Presenter Naked?

Wah lau eh!?!

I hear before got this thing called naked news but this one is really steady poon pee pee... This minah, Norazlina Redzuan, was working Malaysia's TV3 and was the presenter on Majalah Tiga (now known as Majalah 3).

Recently got somebody post her naked photos on the Internet. Wah seh... Hard to believe it... Even tudong girls also so... :x

Anyway, Majalah Tiga is the first ever documentary programme produced by TV3 since 1987 and garners about 3 million viewers each year. The various topics that are discussed in Majalah Tiga include the environment, science and technology, biology as well as humanitarian issues.

Too bad Miss Norazlina Redzuan no longer hosting that show or else sure everybody want to watch one! Hosay!

Lancer Group Outing

Wah lau eh!?!

Long time never convoy already forgot what it is like to play "Follow the Leader". I also forgot how it is like without walkie, drive around in circles, drive into seo kan lor and kena flash by tu lan taxi uncle. Got fellow hip-hop kaki still can slow down and take video some more... Haha!

Start of the MU, many Lancers but by midnight... One by one all tng choo liao...

We started out at Yishun Dam, then went down to Changi Village but ended up at Kallang Stadium area. Got some brother info us got TP along SLE/CTE but we never see any on our way down. Heng ah!?! Or else see one whole group of CS2/CS3 and one lone ranger Hyundai Accent like playing "Snake and Ladders" sure kena road block chao teng kee one... Haha!

By the time we decided to sit down for kopi, the only place open at that time was Kallang McDonalds so we one-jig-gang sit in a circle like going for "Live!" Forum like that... Got people post question, got people post answer and sure got some kukunaden private message :P

By 0300 hrs, ended up all hungry so went down to Geylang to eat. Photographs courtesy of our group photographer/videographer, Mister Adrian Lim (not the serial killer).

Hey! Woon Tou Sek is open for business!

Can you see all the food on the table?

Close up photo for the benefit of the blind (Er... Blind can see meh?)

By the time finish up the food, TCSS a little bit more, then all chaoz. I kao choo about 0615 hrs - just in time for my breakfast!?! I washed up and went to sleep.

Wah lau eh!?! Now already 1825 hrs... I missed my afternoon shift... Sure kena kan by my supervisor one... Heng heng one of my other colleagues take over my shift so now I need to cover the next 2 shifts until 0300 hrs on Sunday. Chinese New Year mah... Everybody enjoy... We bo lui lang... Bo pian... Bo pian... Haha... Just post then rush off to work, later then touch up...

Hosay!

How to Take Photographs

Wah lau eh!?!

Cameras last time very expensive... you buy one good camera, two months must jia chow. If you buy chup parang camera, then your photos also chup parang standard - see already can vomit.

Even when cameras (good or not so good) become cheaper, developing photographs are still expensive and take a few days for it to be ready. Also, you must make sure you use up all the film then bueh loo gee. Last time my best skill is I can squeeze 40 shots into a 36-shot film - steady boh? But as I was saying... Example: today I take photo of chio bu, I must wait until all the 36 shots finish then take go develop. Sometimes, by that time, the chio bu already become people's lau bu already.

What is worse is if we (guys) go around bring camera, people will say we are chiko peh. For me really bo pian because I go to site, need to take photo of accident vehicles and surrounding conditions and my tow kay very the hao lian one... people use normal camera, he make us use SLR. He say like that look more professional... Anyway, our charges to customers also very "professional" lah... Haha!

But now hor... times have changed... Cameras - all very cheap and no need to develop one... all digital one... You like the photo, you save... See the photo bueh song, just press the "DEL" button.

Nowadays even more happening ah!?! Handphones all come with camera liao! Oops! I forgot... they are called "Camera Phones" but what latest technology never develop for many people is common sense.

Just look at these photographs and then you will know what I mean.

Itchy bo pian must scratch or else will get worse

Uncle John and Aunt Mary have been married for many years...
Wah lau eh!?! Who are those two chow ah kwah?

Here's Peter and Jane at their wedding...
don't forget the naked bah chai in the background

Oops! Dog stomachache... Must pang sai immediately

Oops! Dog horny... Must @#$% the neighbor's bitch immediately

Some photographers very steady poon pee pee... timing si beh choon, no need technology to develop them but they can still capture the "Kodak" magic moment... Hosay!

"You reject me nevermind... I tau lim your dau hway chwee!"

Wah lau eh!?! Ah Boi ah... lu cho si mi?

Wah lau eh!?! Si beh tua liap ah... Scooby Dooby Dooo!

Test Drive: Toyota Celica 1.8 ZZT230

Wah lau eh!?!

Finally got chance try out 7th Generation Toyota Celica on JB roads... Steady lah! The 7th Generation Toyota Celica (ZZT230) is powered by an economical 1.8 litre, 4-cylinder, 140 hp engine but since it was introduced in 2000, it's not "new model" so of course the ZZT230 that I was driving got mod one lah. My friend never tell me what are the mods... He just say sure can pass LTA inspection. Haha!

Toyota Celica ZZT230 with bodykit really look fierce wor...

Anyway, this hong chia really very ho huah... Maybe because it is manual version - so lagi power!

Woodlands Checkpoint bo chia leh... Hosay... Must buy Toto!

I started my journey in the morning... Check One Motoring Web Site - Wah! First time I see Woodlands Checkpoint don't have jam one - I thought must buy Toto liao (Not Brother Rando's dog, Toto but the real Toto... Haha!) Sekali after the Woodlands checkpoint, past the old Johore checkpoint, turn left, turn right then up the mountain (not yet down the hill) then I saw this!?!

So many hong chia... So little time... Wah piang oei!?!

See already I also stun sia! I thought should be wait long long one but heng-heng ah... It didn't take long to get Passport stamp and move on. Hosay!

As I want to try the power and handling, I used to Danga Bay coastal road - Wah... The feeling macham playing "Outrun" like that because the road was quite clear and the sun was not so bright. Just tekan the accelerator a bit already kena 150km/h - song ah! The ZZT230 handling also quite smooth, maybe also because my friend got lower the suspension and did something to the undercarriage.

Road is clear - bo chia -what are you waiting for?

Many times I was tempted to loot even more but was afraid kena Traffic Police out looking for Ang Pow so tahan a bit. Sekali beh peoh boh ah nee choon... Choy! Choy! Choy! Anyway, there was a Traffic Police further down the road but that was because there was really an accident involving a motorcycle and a car.

I drove the ZZT230 around the outskirts of JB town and then after visiting some relatives and friends, decided to go back earlier to avoid jam at the Causeway. Then I thought I kay kiang a bit... Usually Woodlands sure jam one so I decided - 2nd Link - sure no jam one!

I take highway towards Tuas, loot all the way past Gelang Patah to the last Rest Stop and then top-up at Petronas. Driving other people's car so I never try anything past 180 km/h but one thing for sure is that even though the handling is good, I feel it's not as zai as the RX-8 when travelling at high speeds. Another thing about the Celica is that you cannot heard rough engine sounds - it remains very smooth even though you are running about 180km/h... Maybe it's because of the VVTi engine?

I reached the Rest Stop in a flash! Wah! Usually the KFC bo lang, pah bang but today muah-muah one... So many people! The food centre next door was quite deserted in comparison so I decided to eat there. (Maybe most Singaporean scared eat "roadside food" will kena lau sai or maybe they think cheapo food is bad for health. Anyway, I just sup whatever I can find because hungry already lah...) Food in Malaysia - so cheap but also so good. I wish my Kampong Kawan also come along then we can sit around sing pantun and whack the satay campur-campur with babat!

What is tea break without teh terik? After my makan, I order my teh, sit back, relax, drink and watch all my fellow Singaporeans arrive, look at my black "Silly Car" like it's on "car show" then walk to KFC, quickly makan then go next door pump petrol. Why so hurry?

Pump petrol another Singapore story... Esso muah-muah one... Shell also muah-muah one but Petronas not so muah... Why? Malaysian petrol tak boleh ah? Haha! I heck care the rest, pump Petronas full tank, then chiong towards the "Touch N Go" toll and then chuah all the way back to Tuas checkpoint.

Sekali even before I reach the middle of the bridge, I see this!?! Argh!?! Simi tai jee? I see cars from left lane go centre lane, from centre lane go right lane - back and forth... Wah lau eh!?! Got Lang gah ah?

Here jam, there jam... Really is Gong Xi Fa Cai!

All along the trip I was comparing the Celica with the RX-8. I found another thing the Celica was better than the RX-8... The clutch not so heavy unlike the RX-8. So if I caught in this kind of jam driving the RX-8, I think I will MC one week or need to switch to "auto" car for one week . The Celica's clutch was much lighter and quite like driving a normal car. Hosay!

Sitting inside the ZZT230, listening to standard-issue JB songs, I look to my left and I saw this chilli red-hot Ferrai... Haha!

Steady lah! Ferrari also kena jam... Haha!

I thought I drive "semi" sports car kena jam sueh ka cow peh... Then I see the "Big Brother" of all sports car also in the same jam as me, I also a bit sim liang-liang. Anyway, I was caught in the jam for two hours - heng I took super heavy tea break and stock up some drinks in the car. By the time I got to Seng Kang, time for dinner liao!

Anyway... Happy New Year to all AoTLM readers... Huat ah!